AJ O'Leary

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A Modest Government Shutdown Proposal

Can’t stand government shutdowns? Me neither. Let’s avoid them in the future by making the concept as ridiculous as possible.

This article was written in January of 2019 and reflects the American political climate of the time period.

Government shutdowns: Can’t live with them, can’t dangle your demands over everyone else without them.

As you might already know, government shutdowns as America knows them, despite the name, are not total shutdowns in the literal sense of the word. Rather, most government employees are currently on mandated unpaid leave or expected to work without pay while select government functions deemed ‘essential’ continue to operate as usual.

With these facts in hand, some folks think we should lessen the effects of the ongoing shutdown by creating new exceptions to be added to the grand list of services considered absolutely necessary. The acting Secretary of the Interior has moved to allocate emergency funds to National Park maintenance so that our natural wonders may stop overflowing with trash. Votes on funding the Department of Homeland Security’s operations on a short-term basis so that airline security isn’t forced to rest in the hands of unpaid, jaded screeners calling in sick from work in droves have taken place in the House of Representatives. There have been assurances from the White House and IRS that your sweet, sweet refund money will still be paid out no matter how closed the government happens to be.

Those ideas for exceptions are all well and good. Where is the incentive, however, to end shutdowns over petty disputes with any sense of urgency if we’re just going to keep incrementally lessening the impact of them?

Here’s my idea: Let’s remove most of the exceptions to a shutdown by legislating them out of existence, rather than keep adding to them.

You’re probably thinking I’m a heartless bastard by now. “How could anyone WANT our national parks to lie in unstaffed ruin for maybe months?” “MY REFUND!!!!” “Think of the Hubble Telescope! WHO WILL WATCH OVER THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE?!?!??”

That’s the thing, though — the idea of a government shutdown is so patently stupid, so ridiculous when you sit and think about it for more than five seconds, that it demands an equally ridiculous solution. There’s a reason why we’re basically the only democratic republic in the world where a government shutdown as we know it can even transpire.

Certainly, no federal employee — not a TSA screener, nor a Centers for Disease Control employee, and not even a humble rank-and-file IRS agent, much as you might loathe tax season — should go without pay for an honest day’s work. It’s not right. It’s unjust. It sucks.

You know what else sucks? Shutting down a wide swath of the government in charge of the Western world’s foremost democracy just to settle a partisan score.

Here are some things to consider with the next shutdown that looms large over the nation instead of the current prevailing wisdom on Capitol Hill. (We’re already too far gone with this current one, so why not be optimists and plan ahead for the next one?)

Let's Stop Paying Congress

Did you know Congresspeople still receive their regular pay during a government shutdown? It’s true. Despite the fact that TSA agents, Coast Guard officers, USDA food inspectors, and others are expected to either work without pay or stop working until the government gets them back with a “hey, sorry about that” I.O.U. whoever knows how many eons later, Congresspeople continue to collect their paychecks because the Constitution provides for it in Article 1, Section 6:

The Senators and Representatives shall receive a Compensation for their Services, to be ascertained by Law, and paid out of the Treasury of the United States.

No matter — that’s nothing a Constitutional amendment can’t fix. We’ve already had one amendment concerning Congressional compensation successfully ratified in the past 30 years. To fix a problem, you start at the top, and nothing creates a sense of urgency for the decision-makers like a withheld paycheck.

Let’s Take (most of) the Military Off the Exception List

While we’re at it, let’s stop bundling salaries for most military personnel into other legislation. Military personnel except Coast Guard officers continue to receive their regular pay during a shutdown as their pay is provided for by yet another contentious funding measure frequently abused by Presidents seeking to tick off boxes on their To-Do lists and act on grudges. You know them as “defense appropriations bills”, passed as part of the recurring National Defense Authorization Act. (Click here for some light reading on the seemingly infinite forms the NDAA has taken on in recent years.) Coast Guard officers fall under the Department of Homeland Security’s purview and are affected by the shutdown in ways other branches of the military are currently not.

I’m not suggesting we ask soldiers in missile silos or battlefields to abandon their posts. Rather, I’m suggesting we put reserve officers and officers stationed in bases in places like Germany on the same sort of I.O.U. system we’re subjecting other civil servants to until the government reopens. Put military pay in the crosshairs of a government shutdown and watch how quickly the President stops weaponizing shutdowns when he can be credibly accused of being anti-troop.

No Tax Refunds ’til the Government Reopens

It’s all fun and games until the government personally screws with your money.

Congressional pay is one beast; military pay is still another. They’re both abstracts for the vast majority of people, though. Our current administration knew that public opinion would turn immensely against the idea of a shutdown once tax refunds were delayed.

This is why, if we are to prevent a shutdown from occurring in the future by making the consequences even dumber and more ridiculous than they already are, this apparent new exception should be scrapped. If paycheck-deprived Congresspeople and troops don’t strike nails in the shutdown coffin, refund-deprived private citizens like you and I certainly will.

No Pay for Supreme Court Justices

Oh, what the hell. It’ll never be sexy to talk about Supreme Court pay, but since their pay is provided for in the Constitution, let’s amend that out of existence, too. They’re all incredibly well-educated lawyers; I’m sure they’ll make ends meet until the lights come back on.

Again, if all these ideas seem ridiculous to you, that’s because they’re supposed to be. Presidents and Congress have, in various measure since Newt Gingrich got the party started in earnest in the 1990s, weaponized the concept of the government shutdown, holding the little guys and gals in civil service’s paychecks hostage for whatever ideas they’ve deemed necessary to rile up their base this week.

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